Welcome to the Alternative Universe

I threw my second house party! Woohoo! Even though there were only 6 guests I was delighted that everyone had a blast! Although I did learn a very valuable lesson; it’s better to have too much ice than to run out of it! Hehehe…

Anyways, it was weird that the hardest part of planning this party is inviting people. Well, first it was awkward that we still need to charge them P100 bucks to attend the party (hard times people!) and second was who should we invite to this Halloween event. I mean, this is a bit low budget we need to invite people that we do not have an issue with and doesn’t have that much friends who would gate crash. I always thought it was an easy part but knowing that you have some restrictions made it a bit challenging. I even got insulted by this trying hard, feeling sosyal girl… bitch! From now on she cannot go to any of my parties, not unless she eats lucky me pancit canton! Ha!

Because of that, it made me think. That feeling sosyal bitch is younger than me and it’s not only with her that I have an issue. Most of my officemates who are younger than me has flaws that are quite hard to ignore. Its either they feel that they are the greatest agent ever, or the world revolves around them, or just like Syela they feel they are God’s gift to mankind.. Geez! I really don’t have issue before regarding friends or colleagues but maybe I’m in a stage where I have standards with people and I’m sticking with it. Will blog on them next time. Freakin’ idiots!

In relation to my last blog… I think I’m ok with most of what’s happening in my life. Just taking it a day at a time and hopefully my alternative universe will be aligning in my favor. Whatever happens, whatever he decides I’ll still live anyways. Hopefully…

I’m in an emotional whirlwind right now. I’m full of pain, angst, love, confusion, guilt, bitterness, and loneliness. It seems that the universe is against me and I have to go through all of this pure luck! Geez… why me!?

I don’t know who to turn to anymore. I have the dearest friends in the office who share the same passion for food, travelling and other things. They have helped me to through this initially (and I am thankful for what they have done) but then it got to the point it became all confusing. I don’t know if they are on my side or the other side. I know they have the best interest for me but I don’t think they are the ones who can help me out with this. Knowing that they are also friends with the other side could have added to my confusion about their reliability towards this matter. Also, these are really good people. I don’t want to use them for the ‘psycho ways’ or burden them with my emotional distress. Well, not anymore… hehehe

Then I have my beautiful friend. She has gone through it all. She had the exact situation I think a couple of times and just last year. She even lends me a book that really opened my mind about my situation, well kinda. I listen to her advices but then again I would relapse. Its not that I don’t trust her but… ok… She kinda brings out my insecurities in me (just a tiny bit!). Everything in her life is falling into place. She got the job she wanted and the boyfriend who loves her sooo much. It’s the same guy that she had the situation before. I’m not jealous or anything because she is a good person but she let me see the hope that I know will not be applicable to me. She had the good ending and why shouldn’t I? I don’t like getting my hopes up for nothing.

So, I turned to this guy who I think is a flirtatious as the other guy. I think he would let me understand and might help me go through this situation. But I don’t like going through the story telling and the blah blah blah thing… I’m a bit lazy doing that and might bring back the bad memories that I wanted to forget. I’ll see how it turns out with this one…

With all of these in mind what will this psycho bitch do? I made a pact with my beautiful friend not to chat the guy for one week. I didn’t tell my friends about this because I don’t want to use them to chat the guy for some news and also, if I lose then they will rubbed it in to my face and they are really good in doing that! Those bitches… And I also will not tell my new found guy friend because I’ll be using him to fill up the void that I might be feeling throughout this experiment. This pact will commence today…

Wish me luck!

Let’s talk about the Bitch…

I remember the first time I encounter her on over the phone. It was an escalation for a prepaid activation. Before transferring the call, she was so bitchy making a big deal for what I have said. Honestly it might have been my fault but I really didn’t deserve the crap she gave me. She didn’t even answer my question. From that day I hated her… Loathe her!

Then unfortunately there was this instance where we were together because my friends and her friends are friends (get the picture?) and spend an outing in a private house with pool. I realized she wasn’t that bad although I was still a bit hesitant. There’s something about her that was off. I was just thinking maybe she’s one of those people I just didn’t liked.

‘L’ came to the picture. I thought he was only kidding when he said that he thinks she’s hot. YUCK! I mean she’s not that bad looking but definitely not a hottie. Good thing my friends are nice enough to back me on this and started a conspiracy; making sure they will never get to know each other. It worked for sometime but unfortunately ‘C’ (or as we liked to call her psycho!) allegedly leaked the news. Shit. I really can’t blame ‘C’ well because 1. She’s a psycho! 2. It was the truth and 3. She is my karma and maybe it’s the way to get even to me, unintentionally.

And so, the day finally came – they became friends. The good thing: He was already overseas. The bad thing: there’s YM. Shit. Bullshit.

There have been couples of times where we talked to each other about ‘L’ and about ‘C’. Nothing serious. One afternoon, after shift there was something in her look that made me feel weird. It was déjà vu. She gave me the look. The same one I gave ‘C’ when I first started to have feelings for ‘L’. Then I knew… she knows what I know and may have the same feeling for the same guy. What’s worst is that ‘L’ thinks she’s hot. So where does it leave me?

So, this is the part where I rant about her… She’s my hatest person in the office! Grrr… Not only that but she keeps on inviting herself to join our gimmick at our favorite videoke place, I mean doesn’t she have her own friends? And the day when she was finally at the videoke place not only was her song choices were boring but she stole a song from Rio! Can’t she just pick another one? Oh! And she actually finishes a whole plate of nachos, MY nachos! As in nilamutak nya! Argh!

I know I sound bitter because I am towards her… She got the guy I liked, she keeps on inviting herself with my friends, keeps inviting her self to join our Friday night videoke and she finished the nachos, MY nachos take note!

Wow, this is a very therapeutic blog for me… But I still think she sucks… she really does!

A simple chat lingo that made me realized and put everything into perspective.

After days of angst, bitterness and tears, I’m back! Not 100% but everything is soo clear now. Although I have to admit I’m still bitter and feeling a bit of pain but I know I’m going to be ok. Everything will be light, bright and easy again.

I’m a bit shocked how I got over with this. I know my friends may not believe me and are a bit mad on how I gave in easily but I just don’t care… I’m ok. Really! Knowing where is I exactly in his life made me feel secured. Although this may not be the position I was hoping for but what can I do? If it’s not meant to be it’s not. Everything happen for a reason and all of those cliché craps… hahaha!!!

My heart still aches whenever I think about “Who-shall-not-be-name”. I just can’t believe that… what? Ha? Argh! Over me? Shit!

Thinking about the whole situation, I think it all comes down to all of these being my fault. I assumed too much, I expected a lot and unfortunately Karma was around to rip my heart out. I knew things wouldn’t work out, there were signs all around but did I listen? No. Sigh!

I’m still amazed how I handled this. Maybe I’m actually growing up or getting use to the fact that love would be nicer to someone else’s life. As my mother always say ok lang maging matandang dalaga.

What an amazing life ahead of me! (feel the sarcasm people? feel it!)

One day at a time…

Attended a friend’s Birthday bash last Friday. It was nice but because of some circumstances I really didn’t get much of it. The choices of songs are a bit sentimental. I really feel bad for my friends. I could have been a more grateful guest but I can’t…

Just couple of days ago something happened which made me a bit furious, blew up and then went over the line. I was just sooo mad that I couldn’t contain what I feel. But at the end, I knew what I have to do and just apologized. It ‘s a good thing that after that incident everything went back to normal although for me there is a topic or a person which thou shall not be mentioned.

So since I cannot bring up that person as a topic of conversation, I’ll just bring it up to my blog… bwahaha!

Ok, I hate this ’she’ in the office. I just hate it that she can’t be nice to me over the phone and may have actually made me cry. There was a time where I did get to know her outside the office and I must admit she isn’t that bad but the thing is I still don’t like her. I tried liking her, I really tried hard! But I still don’t like her. My friends like her but for me plastikan na lang. Its not that totally plastic but … not my cup of tea talking to her if you know what I mean. What worst is that the person that I like likes her! Grrr… Made my sooo mad! She is also the reason why I went over the line and got mad at him. Hay!

Now she knows what I know. I can see her eyes full of confusion, guilt and a bit flattered - I know that look, I gave that once before. And now, karma is just around to have that look back to me. Shit.

I’m in a dilemma; letting him go? I know in my mind that this is the right thing but there are some uncertainties. What if I need him more than he needs me? What if he was going there but I just pushed him away?

I need help deciding on this… now!?

Surprisingly, it’s a good Monday! There wasn’t that much calls, there was idle time and the day just flew by… impressive! But we already got endorsed to our new teams and I’m a bit reluctant about it.

I had this feeling before, my first few weeks in the office. You know when you think you are already contented with your circle of friends and you just don’t need new ones? It’s not because I’m a snob but it’s hard to absorb new people. I think I’m getting old to learn new tricks – yes! I’m a bitch! Hehehe… But seriously, I am required to get along with the new team and my new boss. It’s really no problem but I just feel a bit lazy. It’s not that easily to know a bunch of people who you never really get to interactive with. I know them by faces and some of them by names but I don’t know, hmmm… I need to watch my mouth because these people may not like my sense of humor, need to prove myself that I am a knowledgeable agent (I know a particular new team mate of mine that isn’t impress regarding my call handling) and well to get to know a lot of people in the team and actually make them like me…duh! Like I care if they do or don’t. Not only is that but the other teammate that I was endorse with to the new team my worst teammate ever! (And the second person I hate in the office) I just don’t like the other guy. There’s something about him that makes me feel irate. Grrrr….

Owel, things could be worst right? Like getting fired, losing eyesight, or having the guy that you like think that you are getting psycho on him that he is actually not emailing, texting or chatting you when he is online…well… the last part might be true…hmmm…

Speaking of that, over the weekend, I had this intuition that someone is not as fond of me as they did back then. People say I’m just paranoid but I know this is it, or there never was… hmmm…

It’s NOT the happiest place on earth!

As I mentioned before, couple of my teammates ventured to a different office, another career or resigned to save themselves. I have accepted all of these knowing it is out of my hands… But the most shocking news just came recently… A scandal around the office made my Team Manager resigned.

No, it’s not a sex scandal. I wish it was, that would make it easier and better! It bothered me because “allegedly” he was not doing a good job taking care of our jobs. And it was one of us who sold him out.

I have my theories on why this happened and who is the cause of all these and regarding the accusations about him, to tell the truth, half of it are true.

When he was first endorsed to us, I kinda liked him. He looked liked my previous manager from the former workplace. He seemed very professional and responsible. He even saved me and believed in me. But after couple of weeks, his true colors came out… and we hated him. I hated him! He is just this poser guy who passes to us his pressures in life. I really can’t explain it but he was an ass! Then one Dodo day came and none of us came to work! For the first time in office history, the whole team was absent! Well, except for him… hehehe…

When we all came back, he changed… drastically! I even have my suspicion that that was all a front and he will come back to his old self… a tiger doesn’t change his stripes right? Well, he did have his moments reminding of his old self but generally he did changed.

After couple of months has past, we all worked at a harmonious office. We even have our team building… with out the team manager… hahaha! He never attended because of some lame excuses – his wife. Then when it came in time where some of us are in a verge of ending our careers at the office. That’s where the scandal emerged. An admin hearing was made and incident report was filed. He could not wait for the investigation to end so he resigned.

For the person or the people behind this, I can’t really blame them for he does have his flaws. The only question that I can think is how do they sleep at night knowing they put the man out of his job? Tsk tsk tsk…

Owel… and I thought I have problems.

Had a nervous breakdown couple of days ago. I thought I was over the “quarterly crisis thing”. Realizing that everyone has passed me by and I’m stuck in a really bad place made me cried. Well, after dinner, more than the usual nicotine intake and couple of tears, I have a life changing plan.

I decided to go back to my culinary roots again. I’m planning to take some short courses to refresh my memory on those good ol’ days. But because of previous commitments and some difficulties I will have to commence this one next year. At least I have a plan! Hope this works…